Introduction to Not Being a Stupid Jackass

• Me while reading: Noooo! My poor sweet babies! AUTHOR, WHY MUST YOU TORMENT YOUR CHARACTERS SO?
• Me while writing: This character has been orphaned, whipped, sentenced to death, thrown overboard by pirates, captured by enemy soldiers, near-fatally poisoned, put on trial for his life before an angry mob, tortured in front of his best friend, and thrown into prison again.
• Me while writing: ...
• Me while writing: Let's stab him.

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